The Bogan Rap (lyrics)

I'm here today to tell you about a man - you might know him.

He is every man lining up for The Shed in Northbridge

and he is every man who still thinks Ben Cousins is a hero

and he is every man with a southern cross tattoo on his shoulder.

He bears the cross on his shoulder but, christ, he's not Jesus

(though he may wear sandals wherever he pleases).

He's crackin' a can of coke and Jack Dan

and lurching at me with his drink in his hand

and I've seen him, leaning out his Commodore,

keening on me like I'm a common whore.

I've got class, man, I like a conversation.

Been to uni and got me an education.

Yeah! This shit's tertiary, bro,

and I think you should know

to use your head

use your head

use your head

use your head.

Like John Stuart Mill said,

SHOW BITCHEZ RESPECT.

Show bitches respect, show bitches respect,

like Johnny Mill said, show them bitches respect.

...Uh, yeah, that's not quite what Mill said,

but you know what I meant,

though using the term 'bitch' was a detriment to my argument....

But I digress. Yes! Express my words with finesse.

Though this bogan everyman is causing me real stress,

'coz he's the loudest and the meanest and he's got cash, too,

and he's traded up the flannel for Armani suits

so he's harder to find. But the state of his mind will divide

him from the other blokes every time that he gets blind.

'Coz in his head, the world is neatly split into two -

so it's me and it's you

it's yours and it's mine

it's black and it's white

it's us and it's them and it's them and it's us

and everyone owes him

and it's not his fault

and his only ambition in life

is to drink every weekend and have a hot wife.

Such is life! I guess this is

the life of his missus -

tradin' her freedom for his seldom kisses.

So take your coke and your Jack

and a big step back,

'coz if you're crackin' on me, I feel sorry for ya, son.

I got 99 problems but a bogan ain't one.

Hit me.